Past Musings

These are from a particularly tortured time in my past.

Are you listening?

The soothing silence of my home calms my spirit, refocuses my mind, helps me find my centre once again. Alone-ness and silence are not so bad. You learn to listen and hear and see. When you find your center you are grounded and nothing can shake you.

I am a star – a gas, slowly but surely burning to destruction. A process I did not start and cannot stop. I can burn longer and harder and cast more light in the night sky, but sooner or later the inevitable end will present itself. Just like a wormhole all the lives my spirit has truly touched will feel the withdrawal my death will bring and elicit a fight from each as they struggle to overcome the grief of my passing into the next life.

I will not be grieving – not for this life. The constant pain and regret for a past I cannot change or return to, will be gone. For that timeless place where the lover of my soul rules over all – completely, cannot carry that kind of hurting. My wretched sorrows as well as my memorable joys will be left behind. Those souls that I have chosen to love will find me there someday. I will be free. I will be whole. All this will not matter anymore.

My Life Discovery

I made a discovery about Life. That force that every human being is influenced by that keeps us from being medically “dead,” is not ours to control. No matter how we try we cannot decide how our actions or choices influence it – doesn’t stop us from trying!

Life is not individual and a thing to be possessed, claimed or controlled. It is not singular and neither is it plural. It consists of nothing and yet it is everything. The entire human race, past and present and maybe even the future is somehow connected to it. The very essence of who we are leaves a distinct and unique DNA-like print on it which cannot be erased, changed or forcibly placed.

The other thing about Life – somehow each individual “experiences”(for lack of a better word) it in its entirety. It is not separated into bits and pieces for each separate individual to have their own, to do whatever they choose with their own piece. It chooses how we are to be remembered. It chooses how we can influence it. It cannot be possessed, rather it possesses us and then at a time when it so chooses it releases us and then we die.

Life is completely in control of its own self.

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